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Debenhams says beast from the east put results in the freezer. Now boss Bucher has to explain that to Mike Ashley

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The trouble with the excuse – which you’re probably going to hear from other retailers with troubles too – is that while “the beast” was extreme by UK standards, Debs is reporting a couple of days after Primark and JD both managed to keep their investors warm

Poor old Debenhams. The beleaguered department store chain says the “beast from the east” froze its results and as a result the already bombed out shares have had some fresh sale reductions applied.

They’re now languishing on one of those rails where they put the stuff no one wants to buy on even when they’re all but giving it away.

The trouble with the excuse – which you’re probably going to hear from other retailers with troubles too – is that while “the beast” was extreme by UK standards, Debs is reporting a couple of days after Primark and JD Sports both managed to keep their investors warm.

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You can hardly blame finance director Matt Smith for walking out the door in favour of taking up a similar role at Selfridges, where the in store heating’s probably better and the phrase “you’re kidding, right” doesn’t automatically follow on from the mention of the word “bonus”.

With the shares in freewill and the financial media highlighting an 85 per cent fall in pre tax profits, CEO Sergio Bucher decided to indulge in a little PR fluff.

Well I suppose he had to say something.

As such there were no numbers at the top of the results (you can hardly blame him). Instead we got a bright and shiny “strategic update”.

Apparently the ‘Debenhams Resigned’ strategy is being accelerated. You do rather want to ask why it isn’t already going at top speed if it’s the panacea for this business, but we’ll park that for now.

Super new managers have been hired, new format store trials are going jolly well, and just look at at digital!

Meanwhile there are “five priority actions to mitigate fast-changing market conditions”.

I’ll crave your indulgence with just one because it says a lot about where this company is at: “Sustaining leadership in beauty through innovative customer engagement both in-store and online.”

No I don't know what it means either.

If Debenhams is still on the recruitment trail it might like to try and find someone who can come up with something a little better than that to convince people that the boss has the prescription to right a ship that looks like it’s sinking.

But perhaps we should have some sympathy for Mr Bucher, who left Amazon for this. He’s going to have to fix up a post results call with Sport’s Direct’s Mike Ashley to explain himself.

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Mr Ashley recently upped his company’s stake in Debenhams to nearly 30 per cent. He’s just about at the limit before he’d have to bid for the whole thing. But he says he wants to fix up a “partnership” with the struggling chain.

Thing is, this is (gulp) a company that might actually do better with him in charge.

The bad news for Debs shareholders is that if that’s his ultimate plan he’s not likely to do it until he can pick it up for the price of one of his Lonsdale tracksuits.

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